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中國,我想回來!(10)

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I had been trying to live in two worlds: spending time in China, improving my Mandarin, learning what I could of Chinese history, of my grandparents' pasts. Then there was my American life. Classes, jobs, money, rent, Netflix, friends, growing older. What country, what story, what character, what experience can I claim? Do I want to tell the story of my grandparents, or do I feel that, to do justice to them, I have to?

我一直想要生活在兩個世界裏:在中國待一段時間,提高我的普通話水平,盡我所能學習中國歷史,瞭解爺爺奶奶的過去。然後是我的美國生活。課程、工作、金錢、租金、網飛、朋友、變老。什麼國家,什麼故事,什麼性格,什麼經歷?我是想講我爺爺奶奶的故事呢,還是覺得,為了公平對待他們,我必須講?

In an essay titled No Reconciliation Allowed, Said revisits the varied landscape of his childhood. He was born in Jerusalem, spent his childhood as a refugee in Egypt, was educated in elite English-language schools, before building his career in the US. "Why, I remember asking myself, could I not have had a simple background … ?" he asks, " … all Egyptian, or all something else, and not have had to face the daily rigours of questions that led back to words that seemed to lack a stable origin?"

在一篇名為《不允許和解》的文章中,賽義德重温了他童年時多姿多彩的風景。他出生於耶路撒冷,以難民的身份在埃及度過童年,在精英英語學校接受教育,後來在美國開創了自己的事業。“我記得我問自己,為什麼我沒有一個簡單的背景……?”他問道,“……所有的埃及人,或者其他什麼人,不用每天面對嚴峻的問題,那些問題讓我們回到那些似乎缺乏穩定來源的詞上來?”

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I will go back to China to visit my grandparents' graves. Meanwhile, the old apartment in Hefei has been sold. When my brother and I were children, there were so many people who gathered in that apartment. Now the generations have scattered. My aunts grow greyer every year, and my cousin's children, mostly strangers to me, will soon be teenagers. My three oldest cousins are married, and some have moved to other cities or emigrated to the US. Before, Hefei felt like the core of the family and we, the ones in the US, were the outliers, the moons in orbit around the planet. Now we are all dispersed.

我要回中國給爺爺奶奶掃墓。與此同時,合肥市的舊公寓已經出售。當哥哥和我還是孩子的時候,有很多人聚集在那個公寓裏。現在幾代人都散了。姑姑們的頭髮一年比一年白,而堂姐的孩子們——大多是我不認識的人——也將很快步入青少年時代。我那三個最年長的表兄弟姐妹都結婚了,有些已經搬到其他城市或移民到了美國。以前,合肥就像是這個大家族的核心,而我們這些在美國的人,是局外人,是繞着地球軌道運行的衞星,現在我們都散去了。

I wonder what life will be left for me in China in the future. I've long nursed vague plans of moving back to China to live for a few years, to get to know it better and solidify my place there. But with each year that passes in the US, such a move gets harder and harder to make. I wonder at what point I will have to choose – or if, with the passage of time, a choice was already made for me.

我想知道我將來在中國還有什麼生活。長期以來我一直有一個模糊的計劃,打算回中國生活幾年以便更好地瞭解中國,鞏固我在那裏的地位。但在美國,隨着時間的推移,這樣的舉措變得越來越難實施。我不知道在什麼時候我將不得不做出選擇——或者,隨着時間的推移,我已經做出了選擇。

重點單詞   查看全部解釋    
stable ['steibl]

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adj. 穩定的,安定的,可靠的
n. 馬廄,

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reconciliation [.rekənsili'eiʃən]

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n. 調和,和解
n. [會]對賬

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elite [ei'li:t]

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n. 精華,精鋭,中堅份子

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solidify [sə'lidifai]

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vt. 使牢固,使團結 vi. 變堅固,變結實

 
claim [kleim]

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n. 要求,要求權;主張,斷言,聲稱;要求物

 
announced [ə'naunst]

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宣佈的

 
landscape ['lændskeip]

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n. 風景,山水,風景畫
v. 美化景觀

 
vague [veig]

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adj. 模糊的,不明確的,猶豫不決的,茫然的

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planet ['plænit]

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n. 行星

 
issue ['iʃju:]

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n. 發行物,期刊號,爭論點
vi. & vt

 

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